Stop Complaining…Be Grateful

Did you know that there will always be something to complain about? Politics, religion, weather, inflation, traffic, work conditions, the clothes we have, the phone we are currently using, the car we are driving, the list goes on, basically we tend to complain about everything.

Complaining had been proven to be the easiest thing to do… We do it effortlessly… it isnt rocket science…. the way we are used to complaining, some of us its the first thing we do every morning…complaining is a no-brainer task for anyone.

This is what I recently learned, instead of complaining about the dishes in the sink, I become grateful that I had food to eat thats why I have dirty dishes. The reason my laundry basket is full, its because I had clothes to wear and the clothes that keep me warm. Instead of mourning about the traffic, I put on my favourite CD and sing at the top of my voice until I get home, or listen to radio, and sing along to any song even if I dont know the songs.

So, I learned to look at the good and cling on it, this changed my perspective on many things. I am now conscious of not complaining about anything and everything that comes my way. When there is a need to address a certain issues, I do that without pointing fingers or embarrassing anyone. I dont need to speak under my breath if I am not happy about something. It was hard at first, as I have to un-learn many things and learn new habits. It takes lots of practice on daily basis.

Here is a short task I would like you to do:

*Before complaining about how small your house is, start being grateful you have a roof on top of your head and a place you call home.

*Before you complain about how small your car is, or how you wish you had a big automatic car, be grateful you have a car that takes you from point A to B

*Before you complain how naughty and loud your children are, be grateful you have them in your life, someone out there cant conceive or just had a miscarriage.

*Before complaining how boring and tedious your job is, be grateful that you have a job that is giving the skills, pays your bills and keeps you out of  trouble.

*Before complaining about Monday and how short the weekend is, be grateful that you have a job/school that keeps you busy and for you to enjoy the weekend you need to pass through the week.

*Before complaining about how cold winter is, just remember Winter has never been 35degrees and that will never happen,winter has to be cold and for you to to enjoy the summer, you ought to go through the winter.

*Before complaining about anything and everything, take a deep breath and be grateful instead.

I learned to be thankful and grateful instead of complaining… I learned to enjoy every moment of my life, no matter how sweet or bitter it might be….It doesnt matter what season I am facing in my life, I still dance in the sun and smile at the stars. I still stumble and fall at times but I continue to stand up after every fall.

STOP COMPLAINING AND START ENJOYING LIFE AS IT IS…

 

 

 

 

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My Daddy is the best!!!!

Let me share with you what my Daddy told me… I remember it was September 2005, on a Saturday evening having five roses tea… He said, “Bassie girl , don’t do things from back to front” . I told him I don’t understand what he said then he elaborated…

“When I say don’t do things from back to front, I mean do things in order. Yes mistakes happen but try not to fall into the pit with your eyes open. There are four things you need to do,in this order:

1.Go to school, no matter how long it takes to complete your qualification, keep pushing until you get your certificate/diploma or degree

2. Get yourself a job, doesn’t matter how little your salary may be, as long as you can buy ice cream whenever you want to.

3. Get married. Get married to someone you love and you are compatible with. Don’t marry because of the external pressures but because you are ready.

4. Have children , may your children grow in a stable home. may you put family first always.

Yes things happen but have a map that will help you to get to where you want to be… You might get lost but at least you can always trace where you are by reverting to the map”
I still keep these profound message close to my heart. I am happy to say I  followed his guidance and I turned out the way I am today.

Happy father’s day… My Daddy is my hero…

Life as it is..

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The picture above caught my attention. It made me think how sometimes life can overload us with its agenda and expects us to carry on. Life still expects us to smile and be jolly as if there is nothing on our shoulders, as if there is no pain within us. Life some times gives us exams and expects us to pass without studying. Truth of the matter is that we really passed some exams in our lives, it might not been with good results but we are here now and thats all that matters.

Life can be laborious sometimes,  but it doesnt mean you must give up… When you exercise and you start feeling the pain, thats doesnt mean you must stop, but thats your actual starting point. If you break into the other side of pain and let your mind defeat your body, just know you have conquered IT. Just like any other challenge in life, when  things are difficult and the world is expecting you to give up, just keep pushing because you are closer to victory than ever before.

Whatever mountain you are facing right now, you are capable of overcoming it. Of course at times it looks so impossible… yes, you cant climb a mountain by just looking at it.  No challenge can ever be solved just by admitting you have it, it needs to be tackled

I thought very hard about what life expects of us, whether is emotionally, spiritually, financially or mentally ( sometimes all 4 at once), yet I couldn’t come to a straight and clear answer. But one thing that made sense out of everything was no one has it all figured out, though there are others who got it in control. No one can boldly  say “I had it easy in all facets of life from start till now”, if there is one, then thats a robot. We all have a fair share of the bitter sweet phases out of life and thats what makes us grow and appreciate so many things in our lives.

Life is a learn as you fall road. You tip, you fall, YOU GET UP… The latter is very crucial..you have to get up, no matter how hard it might be…

“No one said it it will be easy, but it will all worth it”- Harvey Mackay

Live life the best way you know how- After all there is no manual nor a navigator to direct you..

Made a way by Travis Green

Don’t know how but you did it
Made a way
Standing here not knowing how we’ll get through this test
But holding onto faith you know best
Nothing can catch you by surprise
You’ve got this figured out and you’re watching us now
But when it looks as if we can’t win
You wrap us in your arm and step in
And everything we need you supply
You got this in control
And now we know that

You made a way
When our backs were against the wall
And it looked as if it was over
You made a way
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way
You made a way

Now we’re here
Looking back on where we come from
Because of you and nothing we’ve done
To deserve the love and mercy you’ve shown
But your grace was strong enough to pick us up

And you made a way
When our backs were against the wall
And it looked as if it was over
You made a way
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way [x2]

You move mountains
You cause walls to fall
With your power
You perform miracles
There is nothing that’s impossible
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way


I always get revelations whenever I listen to this song. Whatever mountain you have in your life right now, just Know God can move it in an instant… You just have to rely on Him. Nothing is impossible with God.

Have a blessed Tuesday.

Monday Motivation

You may not be doing what you love at work….. be a sponge, absorb as much as possible, no matter how unpleasant it may be…. it will surely come in handy to where you are heading to. Never undermine small beginnings… A tree doesnt just start by being big and bearing fruits… it was first a seed….

Start Now…

Many times we doubt our capabilities, we doubt our intuition.
We put ourselves behind others because we think we are not good enough.
We don’t express ourselves because we think our opinions don’t matter.
We tend to settle for anything while the best is available.
Many times we consider ourselves average while we are far more than average.
We think we are inadequate and not taken seriously by others.
When the best is available, we let others take first and we follow.

For how long will we think we are not eloquent, intelligent, capable, able and best?

Will we wait till the whole thing is annihilated?
It will be too late!!!!

The time is now… To be the best version of yourself… To do the best you can… To express yourself
Own your thrown and let is shine… Stand up and be assertive to what you believe. Don’t be shaken…
Entrust your inner self because it’s able to do beyond your imagination

It starts and ends with you…
Make sure you enjoy every step of it
– Basetsana Honde

The wedding day…

When we go to events and we see all the beautiful decor and having delicious food, we just assume that everything behind the scenes was a bliss. Most of the time, that isnt true.

This day last year – 23 Oct 2015, was a cocktail of emotions. It was a day before I was married to my best friend. After months of preparations, the day was finally here. One moment I will be excited, the next moment I start thinking the worst like ” What if it rains- phew the people will not fit in the chapel”, ” what if the wedding gown doesnt fit me anymore” , ” what if the flower girl doesnt pitch (she didnt sleep at the venue with us), “what if the food is not ready when people are supposed to eat” . I had all these racing in my mind.

We (my husband,groomsmen and I) traveled together to Polokwane on Friday, I was dropped at a spa around 14:00 to have my treatments. They say massage relaxes you, that was one time in my life when massage did the opposite. I switched off my phone and tried to fill my mind with positive thoughts but it was just hard. Around 16:00 when I was done, I switched on my phone- the worst decision ever. I found tons of messages, people asking me questions I couldnt answer. My battery was on 5%, I had nowhere to charge it. I walked to a spot that will be easy for my husband to pick me up. After making two calls, my phone died. I got to Chicken Licken (the one by Library Gardens) bought food because I was so hungry.  Now I dont have a choice but to ask anyone to use their phone so that I call my husband and tell him where I am. I asked this other guy if I can send “Please call me ” with his phone, he was so nice, he said I can make a phone call. I called my husband and told him where I am, I was relieved and  I could now eat. He came to pick me up around 20:00. He picked me up and we went straight to the venue (Mahlatse Country Venue) thats where we had our wedding. Some of our family members and our bridal party were sleeping there too. We arrived at the venue , the decor lady and her team were busy, there was nothing for us to do. The venue doesnt supply us with supper so we have to sort ourselves out. Mama and my sisters were cooking for us, but due to the number of people they were cooking for, they took longer than they thought. We picked them up after 23:00, thats when we had supper, after then we had to practice the matrimony and reception moves (stepe). As hard as it was, we managed to get it right- I guess. It took us more that 2 and half hours. Now we had to take my mom home, in the wee hours of the morning (24 Oct). On our way to the venue my husband was dozing off while driving. I just asked him to stop the car and took over, otherwise I dont want to even imagine it. By that time I didnt have my driver’s license on me, I didnt tell him because he was going to refuse me from driving. We arrived back at the venue just before 5:30. We separated, I went to my room, my feet were so cold, I told myself I will bath later, but I still couldnt even have a siesta . Around 7:30 when I couldnt take it anymore I decided to go bath, I did that. From 8:00 the saga of phone calls began. My phone didnt stop ringing. You would think I own a call -centre company.

The wedding was supposed to start at 15:00( but we told everyone to come at 14:00). But we started at 16:00. The make-up team and the cake people got lost. The wedding will not start without these important people. Apparently I was a bridezila, I will not dwell much on that. I didnt have my phone nor a watch, I fumed the moment someone told me it is almost 16:00 but we havent started. Eventually everyone left the rooms and I was alone waiting to be called, When I was walking to the car, the photographers are not there to capture the moment, I snapped, my uncles had to run and call the photographers, I told the photographers that I am going back to the room, and you will take pictures of me when I walk to the car. I had tears but I forced myself to smile.

The matrimonial part went well, I told myself I am not going to stress about things I cant change now. There were hiccups but I didnt let them steal my joy.

We went to take photos on the other side of the venue, I just wanted them to take as many pictures as possible. I will never go back to that day except looking at the photos. We came to the hall for the part 2 of the day. I told myself I am going to dance and dance, believe me, I danced as best as I thought I could. I coundnt stop. Eventually I did. The programme went well until Mr DJ couldnt find our First dance song (Standing on the edge by Kurk Darren). My heart was broken and I didnt really enjoy our dance but we danced anyway, we opted for Endless love by Luther Vandross. We had beautiful speeches from family and friends. We were blessed with lots of gifts.

The Chewa  culture (from Malawi)  has what they call Pelekani-pelekani (they shower you with money) but you have to dance. It was raining money that night… from Malawian Kwachas to USD’s. It was fun and exhausting because I had to dance. Nothing for mahala(free) I guess.

Despite all the drama in the surface that I disclosed and didnt disclose, the wedding went well and we enjoyed it.

Its been exactly a year since we got married and all I can say, it has been a bliss…

 

 

 

 

My story a week before the wedding day

Wow, exactly this week last year, this month ,it was nothing short of stress, problem solving, long phone calls and less sleep. It was a week before the wedding, let me rather say- it was few days before the wedding . The anxiety of ” what if” was taking a big toll on me.  My husband and I both lost weight, not that we were not eating but something was eating us from the inside. We really had supportive people around us, but we kept on telling ourselves “they dont know exactly how we feel and they just dont understand”. The stress that creeps in even when you know you have everything under control. Mama called me so many times that week, she asked me if I can come home earlier, I wanted to but I had to sort things out in Joburg that week.

Can you believe that we bought rings exactly a week before the wedding,(we always knew which rings we wanted but we were always sorting certain things that we left them for the last minute). We didnt get custom-made rings, that made things easier and less stressful for us. We believed in simplicity and thats what we got.

My colleagues and my boss complained about how skinny I have become. There was nothing much I could have done, even when I decided that I wont be stressed, something always came into my mind and stole the mini peace I comforted myself with.

The cake had to be changed, just few days before the “BIG DAY”. This didnt stress me much, I dont know why.

I had a long phone call with Daddy on the Wednesday before the wedding:

Daddy: Dear daughter, how are you?

Me: Phew Daddy, can it be Monday already( Monday after the wedding)

Daddy: Hao, why?

Me: This is just too much for me, I am so stressed and worried about the whole thing

Daddy: Relax Bassie girl, dont worry. Is everything being paid? the venue? the decor? the photographers? catering ? and your garments are ready?

Me: Yes Daddy, everything has been paid and we are ready.

Daddy: So listen to me, no matter what happens, you are getting married on Saturday, whether the decor lady forgets to put a center piece on one of the tables, what matters is that at the end of this coming Saturday you will be married to your best friend. Whether your friends come or not, whether food isnt enough, whether it rains or not, your wedding day is almost here and I will be there smiling and feeling so proud of the woman you have become. Dont stress, I know it sounds like a cliche but I mean what I say. Has worrying ever solved any of your problems?Has worrying ever made you feel good?

Me:Phew Daddy, I never looked at this whole thing like this. Worrying brings nothing but more worries. Thanks Daddy.

Daddy: Then my daughter, I shall see you on Saturday. You must enjoy your wedding day because it comes only once, make sure you have fun, no matter what happens, if your playlist is not exactly how you wanted it to be, dont panic, you can try sort it out but if it not, enjoy nonetheless. I say again, I am proud of you Bassie girl.

Me: Thanks Daddy.

I felt so much better after talking to Daddy. He always knows how to make me feel better and to change my perspective. My mothers spoke to me as well (but I think they were too excited or worried at some point that they just become emotional)

We were so blessed, we had a committee (family and friends who made sure that the day becomes a success). The committee made things easier, the burden on our shoulders became lighter. We met once a month, and in October (Closer to the wedding) we met twice. They helped us with the programme for the day, table setting, keeping track with our suppliers, checklist etc . They were also doing follow up with all other family members who were coming from other countries (Malawi, Zambia and Namibia). The committee made sure that logistics for the events goes smoothly.

So, I didnt go home a week before the wedding like everybody does, I felt like if I do, I will go crazy, besides that, I had to sort out certain things without asking anyone to do it for me.  We left Johannesburg on Friday afternoon (it was supposed to be morning), we almost forgot the rings, we thank God for our aunt who insisted that we have a checklist. We prayed that nothing must go wrong, we had to ask the petrol attendant to recheck more than once the things he already confirmed.

I will share more about my wedding day bliss, drama, laughter and all, later this week.